(April 22, 3001 version)

Ladies and gentleman, broken heaps of machinery...
This is a song called "My Broken Friend."

People say my broken friend is useless, but I say his mind is free
There's a lot of things my mangled robot friend could be...
Kick it!

Well, he could make a good hat rack
He only has to stand there
Or a cheap doorstop
He doesn't need to move
Or a great big giant thermos with a twist-off top
That would be good for soup
He could be a storage closet for outdated pants
I like 'em tight
My broken friend could do it all
Just give him a chance!

That robot has a tragic secret that I'd like to share
For real?
My broken friend is closer to me than an ass to a chair
Mmm
That robot's name I never told you
Who's that?
You could not foresee
C'mon, give it up!
I'll say it loud and sing it proud
His name is you and me!

Don't melt me down into a crowbar
It suffers alone
Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs
Hey. Bender, what are you doing?
Or toss me into a trash can
Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs
What are you doing?!
Don't crush me into an anchor
Yo, what's the dilly-o?!
Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing
I'm telling you, my broken friend...
Put your hands in the air like you just don't care!
I'm telling you my broken friend can do most anything!
Cut it!