By: Beck Hansen
Written by: Beck Hansen

Version Of: Today

This Version:
Today I found a thousand steaming hot dogs in my bathtub
Goat's head nailed to my door
There was voices chanting in the toaster oven
And I drove to work from the back seat of my car
At work, the boss was giving away tickets to his own hanging
People are smoking joints out of their noses at their desks
The typewriter was lonely, writing love letters
And the telephones are answering themselves

And the supermarket was having a free sale
And the turkeys were climbing out of their packaging
And dancing in the aisles with friendly midgets
As watermelons exploded with delight
Santa Claus ran naked through the city with his fangs on fire
Taco truck was being driven by a hyperventilating cactus
A mariachi band was playing water polo with a prosthetic head
And the furniture was sitting on all the people
And the plates were eating all the food
Whoo yea