Lyrics:United Whiskey Man [Version (a)]:
The day I lose my mind, I'll commit a crime
The day I lose my wine, I'll change the speed of time
I don't need no candle flame
I don't need no bottle shame
I know just what I am: a United Whiskey man
Here to bring the peace, a piece of alcy-hol
Bringing the ringing bell
Bringing my peaceful hell
Roll out the silver scroll
I've got a burning mole
I've got a stolen wife down at the Photomat
It's lucky that I'm living the only way I do
Speaking like a pagan in the mountain dew
Dripping sugar tears
Chewing on my beer
Wiser every day
It's a pure and simple day
Everything out there is coming back inside
The day I lose my mind, the crime will unwind
The Song:In early 2017, Steve Hanft ripped and uploaded a short old tape on Youtube. It consisted of some duets he did with Beck, as well as some Liquor Cabinet songs (a band they were both in). The picture of the tape is labeled "Bogusflow" and dated December 1993. (Song title via Steve's note on youtube.)
"United Whiskey Man" is one of the non-band songs, seemingly just Beck and Steve country duetting some entertaining rhymes.
I was trying to figure out what a "United Whiskey Man" is but haven't turned up anything.
Also to note, Beck would go on to use a "stolen wife" in "Sissyneck" a few years later.