Mary Green was a village queen with a bashful little beau
He'd look down at the carpet and he'd answer 'yes' and 'no'
He'd never try to squeeze her, he'd never steal a kiss
So in dismay she went one day and told her daddy this
Next day the bashful lad got this advice from Dad

It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
It's the wrong wrong way to win her hand
She is like her mother so contrary
And she's hard to understand
When her mother was a miss, her daddy told me this
Show your colors in the good old-fashioned way
It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
So get wise, boy, today

Mary's ma was a suffragette at the home she ruled the roost
So Billy thought he'd see her to try and get a boost
But mama looked at Billy, his heart went to his shoes
She shook her head and firmly said 'My boy you're due to lose'
Bill asked the reason then Ma made this reply:

It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
It's the wrong wrong way to win her hand
She is like her mother so contrary
And she's hard to understand
When her mother was a miss, her daddy told me this
Show your colors in the good old-fashioned way
It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
So get wise, boy, today