Lyrics:Its The Wrong Wrong Way To Tickle Mary [Version (a)]:
Mary Green was a village queen with a bashful little beau
He'd look down at the carpet and he'd answer 'yes' and 'no'
He'd never try to squeeze her, he'd never steal a kiss
So in dismay she went one day and told her daddy this
Next day the bashful lad got this advice from Dad
It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
It's the wrong wrong way to win her hand
She is like her mother so contrary
And she's hard to understand
When her mother was a miss, her daddy told me this
Show your colors in the good old-fashioned way
It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
So get wise, boy, today
Mary's ma was a suffragette at the home she ruled the roost
So Billy thought he'd see her to try and get a boost
But mama looked at Billy, his heart went to his shoes
She shook her head and firmly said 'My boy you're due to lose'
Bill asked the reason then Ma made this reply:
It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
It's the wrong wrong way to win her hand
She is like her mother so contrary
And she's hard to understand
When her mother was a miss, her daddy told me this
Show your colors in the good old-fashioned way
It's the wrong wrong way to tickle Mary
So get wise, boy, today
The Song:In order for it to feel more authentic, Beck filled out his
Song Reader book with a number of song fragments and melodies, as well as fictional album collections and made-up song titles. "It's The Wrong, Wrong Way To Tickle Mary" is listed as part of the
Male Quartette Collection, the greatest book ever compiled.
Many of the song titles on the back of "Saint Dude" are references to older sheet music/songs. This one is, and has an strange history. The famous old Irish song "It's A Long Way To Tipperary" has a sort of alternate extra verse that goes:
"That's the wrong way to tickle Mary
That's the wrong way to kiss
Don't you know that over here, lad
They like it best like this"
However, this ended up being turned into it's own song called "It's The Wrong, Wrong Way To Tickle Mary" in 1915.